If you thought I was ignoring you, I didn’t mean to.
I didn’t mean to be so standoffish.
I would have loved to say hello to you.
To introduce myself and finally acknowledge each other’s presence.
But my insecurities kept me tethered to myself.
My fear of being awkward controlled the cold shoulder I presented.
Rehearsed scripts of introduction ran through my head many times.
I overanalyze and try to calculate the best possible methods to “meet you.”
I just haven’t put anything into motion yet.
It may sound foolish to you.
But when I envision myself talking to you, I see a shy girl, ill-prepared and insecure.
She is nervous and unable to form proper words. She prefers to hang back and observe.
Because it’s safer for her. Safer for her care-free heart.
So when I heard your voice behind me, my body froze for only a moment.
As if on autopilot, I willed my body to move forward.
And then when you said your name to someone else behind me, my heart sank.
Because I wished it would have been me you’d introduce yourself to.
And the one to receive your smile.
I promise I’m not aloof or snobby.
If you knew me, I’m a bit more outgoing than what you see.
I’m just intimidated by you and totally unfamiliar with the skill of flirting. Trust me.
Meeting someone I’m interested in has always been, well, interesting.
Because I don’t know how I would react around you.
I don’t know if I’d play it cool, or melt right before your eyes.
It’s a coin toss between the two.
But enough about that.
I would like to think that you were coming to say hello to me.
That would have been nice. And it would also have been a dream.
Maybe next time my courage will win this game of cat and mouse.
And I’ll have to guts to say hello to you.