To Loneliness

Hi again.

I see you’ve decided to sit next to me. Do you see what I’m trying to do? I’m trying to ignore you. Ever since you walked through those doors I’ve been dreading your appearance. You give me a million dollar smile and an unforgettable wave, and I try not to roll my eyes at you.

You’re annoying, and can’t seem to let me go. Why do you insist on making my day a little irritable? Since we’ve met, you weren’t really interested in me, but rather in another who calls herself Self Pity. You and Self Pity really hit it off. You thrive off her sadness, soaking every minute of her complaints and horrible days, and she thrives off your comfort, your lies.

And I’m stuck in between the two of you.

I guess you could say it was sort of my fault. I let Self Pity take control. I let her make some decisions that may have been important for me to make, not her. And in turn, her decisions have left me in the dust, forcing me to pick up pieces that she’s dropped.

You, Loneliness, and Self Pity joined forces. You convinced her that it’s okay for me to feel sorry for myself. And it’s not like it was a one time thing. You’ve convinced her that feeling sorry should be a 24/7 thing. Self-Pity on duty 24/7. It was the perfect plan, the perfect excuse that allowed you to stay.

But I want to let you know something. It’s not going to last. I realized that having Self Pity working 24/7 isn’t my thing, isn’t for me. While you and Self Pity made friendship packs, I found a different friend. It took me a long while to find her, but I did. She calls herself Contentment.

Contentment has shown me something that you and Self-Pity were unable to do. She showed me to live. And live with purpose. Contentment proved to me that I’m not in a bad state, that feeling sorry for myself is something children do.

“There are times where Self Pity is necessary,” she said. “But not all the time. And Loneliness may look inviting and mysterious. But in the end, he’s just weak and dark.”

You see, Loneliness, you’ve trapped me numerous times in your clutches, made me believe that you and Self Pity would be my only friends, and that nothing could ever pull me from this stupor. BUT YOU WERE WRONG!

You were wrong. I’m tired of always having to be with you, Loneliness. You don’t make me happy and you don’t have anything nice to say to me. You’re discouraging and seem to take your problems out on other people.

You saw me as vulnerable, and I was fooled into believing that having you as a friend would make me whole. Not anymore.

I’m waiting for you to leave now. You’ve become a poison to me, something that I’m not particularly interested in. The seat next to me is for a different friend.

I’m ready to be free from you. I am free from you.

So shoo.

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